Teaching the Terrified Tongue (Part LXVI)

In 1989 the Waterways Project of Ten Penny Players worked out of a space in Liberty High School, a transition school for recent adolescent immigrant.

Streams III (1989) contained student writing from Bayard Ruskin High School for the Humanities, West Side High School, Liberty High School, Career Employment Centers (Brooklyn Arms Hotel, Hotel Martinique, Saratoga Interfaith Family Inn, South Bronx Job Corps), Offsite Educational Services (DAYTOP, The Door, Dynamite Youth Center, El Puente, Marlborough Houses, Odyssey House, Phoenix House, PRACA, Project Contact, Queens Outreach, Samaritan Village), Rikers Island Educational Facility, Rosewood High School, and Austin H. MaCormack Island Academy.

The perfect bound anthologies included poetry and prose written in languages other than English; and writing in English about the immigrant experience.

Arad by Bogosel Florin

I’m from Arad Roumania.

I left my country in January.

When I was in my country,

I played soccer with my friends.

When it was summer and the weather was nice,

we went to the beach to go swimming.

We went to the park with bikes.

Sundays and Saturdays we went to the discotheque.

My best friend was Sorin.

He was together with me everywhere.

In school he stood with me.

If ever I had a problem he would help me.

Now I have left him.

Maybe I will never see him again.

He plays soccer for Arad’s ‘Motorul’

and goes to school every day.

I Lived in Viet Nam by My Tang

I lived in Viet Nam seven years ago.

Living in a refugee camp, life was very boring.

We had nothing to do and nowhere to go.

So many people ran away

from the refugee camp to Ho Chi Minh City

looking for a job to help their families.

Sometimes they came back.

Once a month they gave their parents

some money or some food.

Then they left again.

Now, I came from Viet Nam to America.

I don’t like it here because I haven’t any friends,

just classmates. I feel no pleasure.

I felt good in Viet Nam, although there was no freedom.

The people were most kind.

They were good to each other.

I’ve been here about eight months.

I feel some American people are cold,

but I’m not sure.

Maybe my thinking is wrong.

I will grow to like America,

because I know many teachers,

the principal and students.

Teaching the Terrified Tongue (Part LXV)

Poetry is a primal experience as Louis Reyes Rivera explained in his essay, “Inside the River of Poetry”

‘Poetry, you see, is as old as breath itself. For when human beings across the planet simultaneously uttered that first initial sound, they gave rise to the same echo heard in the wail of every newborn child. The sound of that cry might be onomatopoeic, but its meaning is quite literal. "I am here, now!" This is the essential affidavit that serves as testament inside every person's compulsion to give voice to the voice, as condition urges vision, vision provokes thought, and thought pronounces the name of God: "I matter, too!"’
The quotation by Louis Reyes Rivera is from his essay appearing in In Motion Magazine (2002)

Students have an intrinsic desire, an impulse, to express themselves either through music, visually, kinetically, or through writing. Musician, artists, dancers, athletes and writers need a stage to practice on. That practice, including poetry and the small press experience, is sine qua non to the school’s curriculum.

Though some modern educators may wish to relegate poetry to a minor place in the classroom, it has historically assumed a larger share of attention.

Harry Smith in his essay, “Can Poets Conquer the World?” wrote that since Genesis,

“poetry was the whole world and all mysteries of being. It was the history of a people, definition of humanity, and book of knowledge; law and government, philosophy and theology, nutrition and hygiene, and guide to love. Such was true for the primal poets everywhere. This earliest literature was not only the entire character of many peoples but one of their primary entertainments too.”

In another essay “Naïve Manifesto” Smith stated,

“Our images are alchemy to transmute consciousness.”
Quotations by Harry Smith's are from the book of essays, The Word and Beyond: Four Literary Cosmologists (1982)

American educators prepare future citizens to exercise their right to free expression. Schools that teach poetry and the small press publishing experience can connect that with how students authentically learn.

Richard Kostelanetz wrote, “What Waterways does is provide aspiring writers with playing fields and thus the opportunity for informal peer review. Obviously, the young writer who wins more readers will be a bit further along, much as the young athlete who earns more fans or gets chosen first when teams are put together has accomplished a career step.”

Richard Kostelanetz' essay, Notes on Waterways Pedagogical Project, first appeared in Home Planet News (2000)

Teaching the Terrified Tongue (Part LXIV)

“A poem is energy transferred from where the poet got it (he will have some several causations), by way of the poem itself to, all the way over to, the reader. Okay. Then the poem itself must, at all points, be a high energy-construct and, at all points, an energy-discharge." Projective Verse - Charles Olson

The King by Chris, appeared in the first issue of Streams. Its authentic voice emerged from automatic writing done with a Commodore 128 computer in a classroom at Odyssey House.


I am a very nice person, but at times I can be a very uncomfortable person, too. So far I seem to be sticking this program out. This is my second program and I want it to be my last.

When I was out in the street I was a very vicious person. Some people can’t understand why, because I was always so nice to people. I will continue to be nice to people because it really pays in the end. I love and believe in the almighty God, my savior and creator. Without him I am nothing. I hate to say this, but I don’t have any feelings for my mother because she tried very hard to lock me up. My father who I love very dearly bailed me out many times. My sister who recently got married, lives in Brooklyn and is very happy.

I hurt my sister a great deal when she found out that I was basing my life away. Me and my sister were very tight. She was always there when I needed her, and I love her also. If something was to happen to her (God forbid!), I don’t know what I would do.

I grew up in the South Bronx. I was a hard core B. Boy. I stole, robbed, cheated, swindled, lied and hurt anyone who would get in my way while I was on my mission. I started using crack in the winter of 1984. I started selling crack in 1985 and I was making crazy money. I also had plenty of jewelry. I used to buy my ex-girlfriend a lot of gold and anything she wanted. After a while I started freebasing again. I was on my way down. I had nothing at all. I sold $1,500 worth of jewelry for $800. I took back all my girl’s gold and sold it. I sold the motor bikes I owned -- two Yamaha 100’s.

I knew I needed help and went to Florida to a rehabilitation program. I was doing so well for the six months I was there. I had plenty of jobs there. I got to know a lot of people such as doctors, lawyers, etc.

I came back to New York and I was on the streets only a month and I blew it again. I get very angry at myself. Right now I’m feeling depressed and thinking about all the things I’ve missed out on. Thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made scares me because I dream that I’m hitting the pipe again and I can actually feel the sensation of that hit. It makes me wonder about crack.

I really care about people. I used to fall in love with every beautiful girl that I saw. Mr. Computer you have to excuse me, because I really feel like expressing my feelings.

That’s okay Chris

Thank you. I fell in love with a girl recently, but I don’t know what to do. I am too scared to bring it up to the House. That is the problem that I am facing right now.

I also think of the way I endangered my life by sticking people up, robbing crack spots, stepping off with people’s bundles of crack just to get high. And if I have to do that just to get high I don’t want any part of it.

So--- I am an ex-crack patient, dust fiend, acid taker, cocaine snorter -- and doing that I will only get a job as a bathroom and floor porter.

I also used to write graffiti on trains. My name was Post One WF. I grew out of that, but I sort of miss writing my name everywhere. Post One never ever runs.

But now I will see y’all in a few because my jeep is double parked. Jeepski. In the place to be. The Cherokee jeep is on the move.

Dear Chris: I am very sorry to say that you lost all your money in your bank account. Please erase. Run.

My damned jeep is outside running out gas. My jeep. My jeep. My jeep is waiting for me in the summertime. Take me . . . take me to the water . . . summertime . . . summertime . . . I’m listening to the rain outside.

Will you take me for a ride?
It’s just a fantasy that you show
me all the way. I want to say aye.

Take me . . . take me to the water
summertime . . . summertime.
My jeep . . . my jeep, please let me park my jeep.

Yeah, I’m chilling, and the jeep is outside.

The black four door with the tinted windows
and the ultimate sound system.

THE JEEP

Post One WF.

Jeepski is the place to be.

THE JEEP

Summertime, summertime,
Take me to the water summertime,
Summertime, I’m listening to the rain outside.
Will you take me for a ride?

It’s just a fantasy!

When you show me all the way
I want to say
Take me
Take me to the water summertime . . .
Summertime. Maybe we can fall in love
In the summertime . . . summertime.

All in all
When you and I first met I thought you were
my all and all and all the way I feel for you
I thought all my dreams came true . . .
Came true.
There are times that I miss you
And I never thought you knew
And I’m crazy about you
And now you know
You are my all and all for you for you.
I will stand strong.

There once was a crazy kid named Post
Who always thought he was the most,
Until one day his mother burned his toast,
So he slapped her with a medium rare roast.

Dear ( ),
I happen to love you so much I don’t know
what to do. I am confused. I desper-
ately need your help. Your love and ad-
vice is very urgent to me at this time.
Every night when I lay my head to sleep
I think and dream about you. I really
want to have a real relationship with you.
Well, that’s all for now. Well. That’s all
for now. So have a nice day and enjoy the
holiday season. Sayonara.

Love always -- your invisible companion
Chris (Sad onion face) . . .

Please leave me alone. Let me be.
Lock the CAPS Program. Should be
ran. Please run the micro chip soft-
ware. Please run run

Thank you for your cooperation Mr. Computer!!
Post ONe is in the house!!! CEISM 129 TVS I
DIDN’T FORGET ABOUT YOU CAT FOOD FACE!!
JUST KIDDING MIKESKI TDS. ‘The Death Squad.’
Post Tatee’s.

Teaching the Terrified Tongue (Part LXIII)

The urban teen’s experience with hospitals was a recurring motif in the Streams anthologies. The large urban hospitals are where the science and morality of healing meet everyday with life and death situations.

In a 1986 Waterways publication, a student at the East Harlem Music School wrote about her brother’s hospitalization upon his return from a trip to Puerto Rico.

“Problems with the Hospital” by Constance

My brother went to Puerto Rico for three weeks and came back with an infection on his face. I took him to the emergency room at Manhattan Eye and Ear where he was admitted. Three days later the doctor informed him that he was going to be transferred to Bellevue or St. Vincent’s Hospital.

The doctor informed him that he had a bed ready for him at St. Vincent’s on the day he was to be transferred. But when he got to the hospital at 4:00 pm there was no bed waiting for him.

He asked the nurse in charge what was he going to do. She told him to wait in the emergency room until they could get him a bed.

This was about 4:10 pm on a Saturday. That night about 11:00 pm he called me, crying because he still didn’t have a bed. He was cold and hungry. They had given him a cold sandwich which he didn’t eat.

I got very angry at the doctor who told him he had a bed ready at that hospital. He lied to my brother and made him suffer. My brother was in pain.

There was nothing I could do at that time, but wait. Do you know that they didn’t have the bed ready until Sunday at 3:00 pm? All this time he was in the emergency room, cold, hungry and in pain.

Do you think this is fair?

Jeff’s “Personal History” in Streams 6 related his hospital experience after being shot.

It all started last year in May, running with my posse. I was what you would call a small-time drug dealer. I sold anything from an eighth of a key to five grams of cocaine.
I had loaned a so-called friend five grams and wanted my money back. He didn’t want to give me my money back; so we began fighting. I was getting the best of him. On May 18th, 1990, at one a.m. I pushed him into a fence. He rose from the fence and shot me in the abdomen.

It’s a tragedy for something like that to happen. My friends were horrified. I was going to die. My best friend, Fernando, cried with anger, “Jeff got shot.” And my other best friend was too shocked to say anything and cried.

After I got shot, I started to walk to my house. That made things worse. It resulted in hemorrhaging. The paramedics didn’t think I was going to make it.

I had been shot on a street called Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn. I was taken to Bellevue Hospital in Manhattan. There they performed surgery on me for four hours; and had to stop because of loss of blood. They had to wait until my blood rebuilt. I had already lost four pints.

I endured a lot of pain from the original operation. When I woke up, I freaked out. It was like a trauma. I saw my intestines and all these staples in my stomach. I tried to tear the tubes out. They had to come and tie me down.

Well after they began the second surgery they proceeded with the colostomy. This was the result of the twenty two caliber slug going through the intestine and the colon. When the doctor told me the colostomy was only temporary, I calmed down.

My first stay in the hospital was one and a half months in which I didn’t eat anything. I lost a tremendous amount of weight. The day I got out I went to a beach party with my colostomy. I was drinking, got intoxicated and ended up going to the hospital that same night. The colon almost got infected because it was still on the outside sewed to my skin. I was throwing up every five or seven minutes because they didn’t drain the bile correctly. I stayed five days in the hospital and went back a couple of times again. The closure of the colostomy took place about three months later.

I calmed down a lot after the closure. But I was, for a little while, suspicious of everyone; I was always looking behind my back. I was kind of what you’d call paranoid. When I moved with my mother to the Regent Family Residence three months ago, I could relax as I was out of the neighborhood. I started thinking.

A different hospital experience was related in by Andrea in AN EXPERIENCE THAT CHANGED MY LIFE from Streams 7.

December 29, 1991 changed the whole focus of my life. My cousin, Latesha, was killed in City College, at a celebrity basketball game!!

The week before the incident, my friends and I were at a basketball game at City College. We heard on the radio that Heavy D and Puff Daddy were having a celebrity game. We were all planning on going because a lot of guys from different music groups were scheduled to play against each other. Like Michael Bivins from New Edition, Jodeci, Heavy D, etc. People were talking about this game all week. I had gotten in touch with my cousin and we agreed we were going to leave together.

But about four days before the game we got into a slight disagreement. We didn’t speak for two days. The day before the game, my friend and I went to pick up our tickets. We should have known something was wrong, because the girl at the store where we bought the tickets said that they sold 1000 tickets between that Thursday evening up to the time we purchased ours. But it didn’t dawn on us that anything was going to go wrong, so we got the tickets. After that I went to my cousin’s house to see what time we were going to leave. But when I saw her, she didn’t say anything to me. She just walked past me and proceeded to speak to the person I was with. So I left and went home. The next day (which was the day of the game) my girl-friend and I met and went to City College. By the time we got to the college, thousands and thousands of people were already there. It was ridiculous. We knew right then and there that we were not about to get in. So we stood around and mingled for a little while, then we left. My friend went home and I went to see another one of my friends. We were watching television and heard on the news that four people died in the college.

The next day my boyfriend came home from school. So I was a little excited about that. About an hour after he arrived my cousin Latesha’s best friend came to see if my cousin spent the night with me, because she hadn’t gone home after the game. When I told her no, we went outside to use the phone to see if she had stayed at her boyfriend’s house. When we called, his sister said that Tesha did not come there at all. So we began to worry.

We called E.M.S. and they gave us the number to Lincoln, Harlem and St. Luke’s hospitals. These were all the places that the victims from the college were taken. First we called Lincoln and they didn’t have anyone registered under her name. The same went for Harlem. But, Harlem gave us the number to the 26th Precinct. We called and an officer told us that they had an unidentified D.O.A. fitting Tesha’s description at St. Luke’s. Automatically my heart dropped. Tonya (my cousin’s friend) said she wasn’t going to view the body, but I had all intentions of going.

My boyfriend and I went to St. Luke’s. When we got there, we found out that the person they had there was a man. A feeling of relief fell over my body. I called the officer back at the precinct, and he informed me that he’d given me the wrong information, that the D.O.A. woman was at Harlem Hospital. By the time we got to the hospital it was about 5:30 p.m. We were asking some questions and a guard overheard and came to speak with us. He described the girl and her jewelry. I immediately fainted. When I awoke, I was crying and a lot of people were trying to calm me down. A detective from the 26th Precinct asked me a couple of questions and told me to come to the precinct in an hour to identify her clothing. I went and they showed me a picture; and sure enough it was her. I had to answer more questions. Then I left.

The hardest part was telling everyone. That was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. I loved her so much! We were very close. She was like the sister I never had!
That experience made me realize how much I took life for granted. It also helped me to understand that you should always tell the people you love how much they mean to you, because you’ll never know when they will be gone! I always thought nothing like this could happen to me, but I’m living proof that it can!!!

Teaching the Terrified Tongue (Part LXII)

A computer correspondence from 1987 between Reveal, an incarcerated student, and Anna (the student names were changed for the publication), a track athlete, who attended Waterways after school computer lab at the High School for the Humanities took place under the observation of teachers and peers, and was published in a Waterways small press school publication, The Rose. The writing was for the most part spontaneous, though the reader can see the standard formulas Reveal relied on in his openings statements.

Dear Penpal: I hope when you receive this letter you are in the best of health. I am fine for the time being even though right now I am locked up in jail because of a big mistake that I made. Now I am correcting it to make sure that it never happens again.

Doing time is rough. You never know if someone is going to cut you or rush you at night when you are about to go to sleep. The food here is half-assed. Some days it’s (I won’t say as good as Mama’s, but...) O.K. (Smile) Some of the time, some of the corrections officers are O.K. They might bring you in a sandwich and a cigarette or two if you’re alright with them. Then you have your correction officers who hate the ground you walk on. They will do anything to get in your way. So your best bet is to stay out of their way.

When correction officers wake us up early in the morning it is about 5:00 am. It is still dark outside. Can you imagine about 80 people all waking up at the same time (tired and grouchy) in the same room or dormitory. You see these same people all the time day in and day out unless new people come in or you are transferred to a new dormitory.

Another thing is that the dorms are so overcrowded because there are only two adolescent dorms in the whole building besides protective custody and new admissions.

‘til next time,

Reveal

Dear Penpal: Or would you prefer if I called you ‘Reveal’? I believe that the last time I wrote to a penpal was when I attended junior high school. I love doing this because it’s so much fun. I don’t know anything about you--not even your real name. I don’t mind telling you a bit about myself. I’m a junior in high school and I’m a girl. I joined the Waterways Project to get community service. I’m in the cross country team in my school and we’re pretty good runners considering that we’re in the top three teams. Today is borough champs meet, but I couldn’t go because I hurt my hip badly just recently. I go to the High School for the Humanities. Have you heard about it? I don’t know what more I can add. There are so many things that I would like to know about you: why you’re in jail, how old you are (I’m 16)...but if you choose not to tell me, I’ll understand.

Have you had other penpals like me? I mean through this computer system. I haven’t heard much about Rikers Island. The only things that I have heard about it rank down on it. What is it like to live there? I myself never plan to! The Waterways Project is going to release a small magazine monthly which will have poems and short stories written by members of this ‘club’. I wrote a poem a year and a half ago which I decided to submit to the magazine. Perhaps you’ll get to read it. If not, I can print it up for you in the next letter that I write to you, or rather, type to you. It’s so much fun to use this thing! I mean it. Last night I was trying to type up a short story that I wrote on my electric typewriter and all the confusion that could have happened--happened to me. This is pretty easy. Anyway, Reveal...I’ll sign off now in hope of getting a response from you soon. Smile whenever you can. It doesn’t cost money.

Au revoir!

Anna

Dear Anna: I would prefer that you call me Reveal because that is the name that I use in New York. I have never written to a penpal. First of all, I’m 17 years old. The High School for the Humanities sounds familiar. The school that I went to is George Wingate High School in Brooklyn. I used to play baseball in Junior High School. The positions I played were third base and outfield for two years and I won three trophies on my date of graduation.

I am very sorry to hear about your hip and I hope you get well soon. The next time a race comes up I want you to write and tell me that you won with flying colors... So exercise and get in shape.

Let me describe myself to you. I am brown skinned with a light mustache and brown eyes. I enjoy taking girls out to have a good time and spending money on them. I will be coming home in a month and a half. If possible, maybe we can get together--if you don’t have a man or someone on the side. Do not think just because I am in jail that I am a cruel or stupid person. As a matter of fact I am one of the nicest persons you would want to meet: great sense of humor and everything like that. The reason that I am in jail is for a drug charge; not for using drugs, but selling drugs.

But you know that this is one of the worst places to live and I can say with a smile I will never return here alive. Where are you from? I don’t know how to ask this but are you Black, White, Red, Chinese, Hispanic or a mixture? But don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t really matter. But, I’m afraid now that I am going to have to end this letter for now.

So I won’t say ‘goodbye’ but I will say--until then.

Yours truly,

Reveal

Hi Reveal! It feels so strange to be writing to a ‘reveal’. I just finished reading your letter. My hip is not getting better. As a matter of fact, I just saw my doctor recently and he told me that I shouldn’t run for another three weeks at least. I’m glad that it’s not that serious. I mean I’ll be able to run afterwards. Some people aren’t so lucky. You asked me from what origin I am and I don’t mind the question at all. As a matter of fact, I’m glad that you’re curious. I’m white and Jewish. Do you have a religion? I’m not assuming anything about you, Reveal. It wouldn’t be fair of me to judge you from a letter.

I didn’t decide to join this club just for the community service credit. There are other things that I could have done. It sounded pretty interesting. Since you haven’t ever communicated like this, it’s probably interesting to you as well. Since you gave me a fair description of what you look like I suppose I should give you mine. I’m 5’8” with brown hair and green eyes. Oh! You said something funny: that I should win the race... Yes, I am in shape, but I run in the middle of the pack not in front or behind. As of now... my doctor won’t even let me lift any weights! Imagine that. I’ll just collapse after half a mile in 3 weeks... I’m serious! It’s so unfair.

Where will you be heading after you’re released? I know ‘home’, but if you don’t mind--where? Perhaps I’ll get a photo of myself and send it in two weeks.

As of now, I’m only interested in writing to you and learning more about you. I would like to be your ‘penpal’ in a literal sense. By the way--if and when you’re ready to give me your real name, I’ll give you mine. What are you plans for the summer? I might be going to France.

Anyway, time to sign off, don’t you agree? There’s no school next Wednesday so I’ll read your letter in two weeks from now. Until then Reveal... a bientot!

Anna

Dear Anna: I received your letter on Thursday, November 5. I found your letter very awakening and cheerful to read this morning. As for my real name, it is James Jones, but I am usually called Reveal in New York by my friends. You can use either one. You might be puzzled as to where a guy gets a name like Reveal. Actually the name belongs to my brother and he is Five Percenter. We both look alike somewhat and every time someone could call me, instead of calling my real name, they would call me Reveal so I just became Young Reveal.

I am sorry to hear about your hip. The best advice I can give you is to exercise and jog a lot and eat a lot of natural foods. Most of all stay in shape.

My religion is now Five Percent like my brother, but bear this in mind: I have a very open mind, and I hate no man, woman or child (any race or creed). So don’t think I will feel any hostility towards you because of your race or religion.

Tell me a little about your religion and your life style. Things you like to do. Things you don’t like. Hobbies and places you do and do not like to go.

You asked me where I will be heading upon my release. First of all let me tell you that my discharge date is December 18, 1987. In about two weeks I will be entering a prep class which will set me up with a school and a job if necessary or maybe even an apartment.

My outlook on life will be really different. I hope to achieve a lot when I go home. My plans for the summer are--when I’m not working--to go on a lot of trips and to go to the beach a lot, and do all types of things just because I was locked up for four long months. It might sound silly, but what can I say?

Oh! You also mentioned that you might send me a picture. I will be very happy to see you even tho it’s not in person. Then I will call home and tell my mother to send the most recent picture of me. Then we can read our letters and look at each other while we read the letters (Smile)!!!!

Reveal

Dear James: There was a misunderstanding. I thought that you were released over a week ago. That’s why I stopped writing to you. Today when I walked into this room, I planned to write to a new penpal. Then Rich told me that you were still on the Island. I sat down immediately to write to you. I think it’s great that you gained a lot of insight from being in jail. It’s too bad that it had to be the hard way. I really think it’s wonderful that the program will be setting you up in a new school and an apartment. That will help you get back on the track--if you know what I mean. I never told you this, but my cousin was involved with drugs two years ago. She got involved in the hippy scene. She was in many programs including DAYTOP. She also spent a lot of time away from home in group homes. Since then she has built her life up incredibly and I respect her so much for that. She went to Robert Fiance Beauty School for a year. Now she is a licensed hair dresser. She was a waitress for a while as well. So a lot of things are possible. I’m sure that you have an equal chance to get out there and prove to all the people who have no confidence in you that you are capable of succeeding! She does not touch drugs now and she believes that people can have fun without that garbage. Anyway James, it’s getting pretty late and I have to get home to study. When I write to you I can almost sense your presence. It’s strange. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you to keep smiling!

Anna

Dear Anna: I hope when you receive this letter that you are in the best of health. As for me I am doing fine. I am very happy to hear from you again. I’ve been asking about you for the past couple of weeks. I am sorry to say that as of next week I will be leaving soon. This will be the last time that we might hear from each other. But, I would like to further future communications if possible. I would like to very much, but if you do not wish to do it, it is all right by me.

I am very glad to hear about your cousin and about how she changed her ways for the better. I will take that into deep consideration for myself.

My mom is very happy that I am coming home. I was away too long for it to be funny. (smile) Maybe when I come home we can get together and have lunch or dinner and take in a movie or something if possible on a friendly basis only! We can get to know each other a little better and progress from there. I am about to end this and say goodbye and stay in shape.

Let me hurry up and get off this machine because I hate long goodbye’s. I might start crying (smile).

Dear Reveal: Did you know that our letters were printed in the magazine? I only found out when Rich handed the magazine to me. So what, if everyone knows about me? (right) There were some pictures taken today for the yearbook. I missed the art literary magazine photo, but I was included in the museum club photo and the yearbook staff photo. Last year I missed all three pictures for the cross country team, indoor and outdoor track. Pretty aggravating. I’m not going away for the Christmas break.

Instead, I’ll be working most of the time at Haagan Daz. I’ve been working there for two months. Last night was the first night of Chanuka. It is eight days long. Traditionally, a candle is added to the menorah each night until there are nine. It’s not as glamorous as Christmas but it’s fun. We exchange presents, too. I bought my mother a sweater yesterday. It’s light pink with a large lace collar. It felt so nice--I hope she likes it.

I would like to tell you what Fifth Avenue looks like now. It’s brightly lit with red and green and swarms of people are running around carrying bags from Lord & Taylor and other big department stores. There’s a round looking happy Santa Claus for every block ringing a green bell asking for small donations for the Volunteers of New York City. Lord & Taylor has a special Christmas window display which I happen to look at because I was in the area. The line was long and full of people bundled in their coats waiting impatiently to see the plastic electric dolls dressed in silk and fur. The dolls move. It was really cute.

James, I don’t think it’s possible for me to see you. But I have saved all our letters and I’ll never throw them away. I love saving photographs of old friends, relatives, and even ex-boyfriends. I’m like that. So I will always remember you. Take care of yourself--you deserve it. Good luck in whatever you do.

Sincerely,

Anna

Dear Anna: I hope when you receive this letter it finds you in the best of health mentally as well as physically. Well, today is my last day here and I just had to write you just this last time to tell you a couple of things on my mind such as how I will be living when I go home--very, very differently. No more selling drugs. I’m not saying I’m not going to miss it because the money was good until I got caught. And now I’m about to change my ways for the better. It is very sad that it takes for me and other persons to come here to finally realize that it is time to change. It really sounds silly, right?

James

Teaching the Terrified Tongue (Part LXI)

The Waterways Project tried to engage high school students in writing which was meaningful and relevant to their lives, as urban teens. Many students, who were otherwise truant, attended class to be a part of the small press publishing project. In the days before the Internet, I introduced computer pen pal writing by carrying a five inch floppy disc from site to site, as I travelled around the city.

Lorraine was a resident at Odyssey House. Tommy was at Project Contact. Their programs were not located far from each other in lower Manhattan. These are not their real names which were changed for the publication.

Dear Pen Pal: My name is Tommy. I live in Brooklyn. I am nineteen years old, have dark skin, brown eyes, a gold star on my front tooth and I am six foot one. I am interested in basketball and football. I go to boxing school. My sign is Capricorn. I weigh 185 pounds. I love to party, but I am a quiet person sometimes. I am not boring.

I am interested in a female with a nice personality who is not a boring person. I don’t care about looks as long as you have a vicious body. I would like to write to a girl aged 17-20 who likes to hang out and have fun...and not all about games. I go to Project Contact.
Yours truly,
Tommy

Dear Tommy: My name is Lorraine Maria Browne. I am the answer to your request. I am five foot one inch and almost 100 lbs. I have a pretty lightskinned complexion, with light brown hair and brown eyes. I have a very slim build. I hope one day to be a model, singer or flight attendant. I have a very nice personality, and I am easy to get along with. By the way, I forgot to mention that I am originally from Brooklyn, but I was raised on Staten Island. Anyway, I’m 19 years old and a Virgo. I’m not all about fun and games. I’m all about getting my life together and thinking about the future. I am very ambitious and I’m pretty confident in myself. I am really looking forward to my future. I want the best out of life and I will have it all! I’m young, with no children, and I’m not making any immediate plans to have any at such an early age. I want to live my life first before starting another. I would like to see what I can be first, and in my opinion, it’s hard enough taking care of me, without a child right now. I love children, but I know that I’m just not ready. I love to smile and I enjoy conversating with people of the opposite sex. I communicate well with people, and love to travel, so I have decided to enter a career in which I will be able to do both. You sound like you’re good people Tommy, and I am too--so you know what time it is. (SMILE) I’m going to cut this letter short for now, because I could go on and on. It was nice writing to you. Write back. Take it easy,
Sincerely,
Lorraine

Dear Lorraine: You sound very intelligent. I like the way you sound and think. I feel the same way. I am not ready for any commitments either because I still have my future ahead of me. When I finish school I plan to go to the army and take up electrical engineering. I have no kids, but I plan to have one soon, and if you have anything to tell me, feel free to open up, because I am looking forward to seeing you. So let me know if we have a chance, because you are the one for me, and that is true. If you want to arrange a date here’s my number--, or you can write me and let me know what it’s going to be.
Yours truly,
Tommy

Dear Tommy: Hey there! It’s me again. It sounds like you enjoyed your brief encounter with me, and I’m glad. By the way, you never mentioned that you were in a T.C. also. I’m in Odyssey House on Sixth Street. I asked the teacher where you came from, and he told me you are at Project Contact. That’s good to know that you are getting your life together, as I am.
You sent your phone number in your response. I just want to tell you that now isn’t the time for that. As long as we keep in touch, that too may come. You see, in this program you have to reach certain levels before you can communicate with the outside world. I am nineteen, but in here I am considered an adolescent. There are four levels--freshman, sophomore, junior and senior. I’ve been here for almost a month already--pretreatment. I’ve been doing good and I have been chosen to be a sponsor, which means that I am a good role model to my peers. It’s tough baby, but we will benefit in the end. I hope you will stick it out and stay in contact with me until the end. I know that I can offer you a lot of support because I’m strong and in this world ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE.
Let me tell you what kind of things I like and dislike. I like men who are strong, because behind every strong man is a strong woman--and vice versa. I like men who are very masculine, yet sensitive to my every need. I like a man who can give me support--along with plenty more. I love the way I look when I wear black leather, lace stockings, a nice silk blouse and a smile. I love the material things in life, but I know that there must be a separation to love yourself first.
I’m kinda spoiled, but in a nice way. I’m not a bit selfish in any way. I’m what you might call the exception to the rule! (SMILE) What is priority in my life right now is getting well. I used to take drugs--crack to be exact. But now it’s a thing of the past. Now I can’t see throwing it all away for a puff on a little cheap pipe, for a five second high. I was on a cold-blooded mission--I can’t front. (SMILE) Tommy, my time is up, write back soon.
Lorraine

Dear Tommy: Hi! How are you today? Fine, I hope I’m just writing you again, hoping that my brief statement will find you and place you in a most positive state of mind--physically as well as mentally.
Me, I’ll be alright. I am to undergo my psychological exam either today 10/16/86 or the following Monday. Hopefully, that following Thursday I will have my probe. I’ll be glad, because I will have taken a deep look inside myself and I will know exactly what my issues are. I had a rough time in my group this week because of something that I really couldn’t accept. You see, I’ve always been the more independent type. I was on my own out in the world, and I’ve never had to listen to anyone. I always learned from experience and trusted my own judgement. My problem here was that I had to adjust to taking orders, and sometimes accepting the unjust.
I’m not a nasty person in any way. It’s just that sometimes when women tell me to do things that I don’t agree with I display a silent attitude. To me, it’s not what you say to a person, it’s how you say it. And when a woman speaks to me in a tone that isn’t necessary, it kind of brings flashbacks of my relationship with my mother--which is probably my main issue. I love my mother with all my heart, but she did me wrong. She did my whole family wrong. She introduced us all to ‘base’. I don’t blame her for my actions, because I’ve always had a mind of my own and nobody forced me to take anything. What I do resent her for is for allowing us to engage in what turned out to be total destruction.
I feel strong resentment towards her, but I do love her. I don’t hate her because, although she allowed this, I understand her addictive personality was her guide--as was mine at the time. I just wish that she would give me a little more support.
You know something? When I first came here I couldn’t understand having to do without. See, when I was out in the world I was able to get all the things I needed But in here I have to depend on my family to bring me things. Whenever I call my mother she would promise me this and promise me that, and I was the one who always ended up disappointed. So my brother had to explain to me that it was gonna be like that for a while, and that I had to make do with alternatives now and then.
I knew that I could trust his judgement because he’s already been where I’m at--and he’s tight. I know that now is the time to get right. Now is the time that we’ve got to be strong. All that other bullshit is irrelevant! (SMILE) I know that I talk a lot, but when you respond, I hope you can give me just as much. When I came into the computer room, the first thing I said was, “Richard, do you have a letter from my pen pal?” And he told me that you didn’t finish. Don’t make me wait too long. Well, it’s time to go. The next letter is on you. (SMILE)
Lorraine

Hi Lorraine: I am sorry I haven’t written to you in a while because I had some things to do. As you can see I like talking to you, baby. I have been in a little trouble with some guys, but now everything is alright. By the way, yes, I go to Project Contact now. It is very nice here. We have a lot of fun. We go on trips and have parties. By the way, maybe you can come to our Thanksgiving party because I would very much like to see you. If you decide to come just let me know when you write back.
So how are you doing? I hope ok. It is good you are not messing with drugs anymore because it isn’t the thing to be doing. I used to use dust, take tabs and crack and then I saw where my MONEY was going. So I had to make a change in my life and now I am going on the right track.
Sorry love, I have to go now, but write me back and let me know about the party.
Tommy

Hello Tommy: I’m fine as usual. I’m having my share of problems, but I’ll be alright. About the Thanksgiving party, I know for a fact that I will definitely not be able to attend because I am only allowed to visit with my immediate family. I’m sorry, but it has to be like that sometimes.
So tell me, what kind of trouble have you been in with some guys? Nothing serious I hope. I’m gonna tell you exactly how I feel and I hope that you don’t get offended. OK?
Lately your letters have been getting kind of ‘relaxed’. When I take the time to write you a descriptive, fully detailed letter, I expect you to do that same thing. I’m the kind of girl who likes a challenge and lately you haven’t satisfied that need at all. You’re gonna have to come better than you have been if you wish to continue these brief conversations. Tell me something good, not that you’ve been in trouble with some guys, because I left the streets to get away fro that type of shit--OK So in other words--get it together or leave it alone. I wanted to tell you your letter was weak. I don’t mean to sound harsh in any way, but I pick up feelings very easily. This has got to be a 50/50 type situation, the writing I mean. No, my name ain’t baby--it’s Lorraine. (SMILE) It’s all up to you.
Lorraine

Hi Lorraine: I am writing this letter to let you know that I am sorry because it was my problem. Now that I know that I will not tell you things like that. I now know that all things reflect themselves; all mistakes are correct; all ways are true. Everything is as it appears. I see now that you are a very strong lady and you are behind a man 100%. I do not like a woman with a weak mind and I can tell that you are not in that category. Believe me I do not have a weak mind.
Yes, I enjoy talking to you and I feel that if we get a chance we can accomplish a lot together because you have a lot of class and that’s why I am talking to you and letting you know about me.
I understand that you can’t come to the party. Maybe when you get home you can give me a call. I have to go now.
Yours truly,
Tommy

Dear Tommy: I’m glad that you took heed of the letter I wrote you. I’m pleased that we are able to get a better understanding of each other. All I was really saying was that we needed to conversate on a more positive level, pushing all bullshit aside for a moment.
So how have you been? Fine, I hope. I hope you’re remaining serious about what you’re doing and not letting negativity discourage you. Me--I’m doing all right. Lately, I have been slipping into a state of depression. It gets harder every day, and I’m just holding on, trying to keep up the strength to do what I’ve gotta do. I do use my groups to help me when I’m in difficulty, but sometimes I feel as though I need a little more. I usually talk about various things I feel, but there is something that is sometimes too painful to talk about, and that is my relationship to one particular man. You see it’s hard. It’s very hard to have loved and lost. Especially when you know that you gave up too easily, when certain things could have been avoided.
It’s very painful for me to realize that I had it all, and gave it all up for drugs. Now I feel the fire, and damn, it’s hot!! Like I said, it’s hard, but only the strong survive. While I am writing this letter, I am kicking up many feelings within myself. So I am going to end this letter.
In your response I would like you to tell me something about your past relationship(s). If it was more than one woman at a time--save it! (SMILE) I would like to hear about it from another man’s point of view, and hopefully, I will be able to relate to your experience(s).
Until next time, relax yourself.
Lorraine

(From Streams)